When is a first strike not a first strike?
When it's Anticipatory Retaliation.

June 17, 2004

Teletubbies Must Die

Bravo Romeo Delta

Ok, for starter's we're going to just blow right past Godwin's Law [ed: You might also want to read down a bit about Quirk's Exception and Case's Family of Corollaries as well], as no stupendously silly and venomously vitriolic post can maintain its self-respect with out at least some reference to genocidal totalitarian regimes of the twentieth century. Moreover, the post title makes a very oblique reference to a classically bad movie, so in order to avoid skirting the Godwin issue, I decided to jump right on in.


Now, with that out of the way, if you haven't had an opportunity to start flinging hot lead at Teletubbies, let me present a few offerings (with a surprise bonus section below).

First, this version gets points for being the most photo realistic of the teletubbie shooters. Also note that this one features the cowhide tophat the green one wore, as well as a shootable sun.

The next one limits you to shooting at LaLa, but on the other hand, you get an automatic weapon as well as an additional degree of difficulty as the Teletubby seems to be flinging something at you. A big step towards the Duke Nuke 'Em experience that Teletubbie whacking will become some day.

But, as with all talks about terrorism and the like, we really have to get down to root causes and nip the problem in the bud. And that root cause would be the unholy offspring of mass marketing and doting parents. So, we have to dig down to the core and excise this cultural cancer. To wit: Barney must die.

Sung to the Barney song:

I hate you,
You hate me,
Let's hang Barney from a tree -
A shot rings out! A body hits the floor!
No more purple dinosaur

For whatever reason, the "Barney Must Die" genre tends to be much more driven by song, but hey, grievous bodily harm to children's television characters is pretty much a matter of different flavors of the same discourse.

But being the crack researcher I am, (We surf the internet so you don't have to™), I found, what I believe may be the best (if not only) crossover piece in existence. Yes, I have managed to find something that allows us to finally bring together the "Teletubbies Must Die" and "Barney Must Die" factions. Many folks, like those over at the CIA, said (in a fashion reminiscent of the assertion that Al Qaeda and Hussein would never pal up), said these two factions would never see eye-to-eye. But I have found a true uniter that permits both factions to work together in harmony for a common set of goals.

So I present this: I must applaud both the John Woo-esque death theatrics, as well as the general sentiment of "Who said that violence won't make the world a better place?" Fire away!

Note: I really am not that whatever, but this is a very oblique way of saying 'I'm kind of swamped right now, so thoughtful blogging will be quite light for a bit'

Launched by Bravo Romeo Delta at June 17, 2004 11:46 PM

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